Something Out of Reach...

I would give anything to have a baby. Yep, I would. I know I've said it a thousand times but I think I never really knew how much until today. I was looking at friends facebook pages and what did I find...but three, count em, three, friends who are all having babies...and surprise, surprise, they are all "how did this happen" kind of babies. Of course I posted on all their walls just how happy I was for them but inside I think I broke down and it had no where to go but out my eyes. I cried for 20 mins!!! Me! The one person who tells all her friends that she only wants the best and happiest for them! How could I do that!? How could I cry and be upset over their good news?

What is wrong with me? Is my wanting a baby making it impossible for me to be happy for any friend who is blessed with a baby? Why wouldn't I want for my friends to have what I want. It's not like they don't deserve it. Each and everyone of them deserve it. It's me that apparently doesn't. Not if I can't just be happy for them.

But still, when friends show me ultra sound pictures and show me their cute prego bellies and clothes, I cry the second I'm alone. I do everything I can think of to be the happy, helpful friend but sometimes I just want to scream "WHEN IS IT MY TURN? WHY YOU AND NOT ME?" I wish I could talk to someone but everyone I would turn to is having a baby and me crying to them just makes me seem mean, and pathetic. Oh, man, I'm pathetic....the proof is in the blog.