Back to Musical Homes...

So here we are again...moving. Ughh! I hate moving. Why does it seem that when you move and pull things out of closets and drawers, that ones stuff seems to grow exponentially? I just finished giving away half of my clothes and shoes and I am still left with too much to fit into my new shoebox of a closet.\

Our new place is about a third smaller than our current home (pics to come when we are all moved in) and I am sure I will go stir crazy before April gets here. We are moving to save money, be closer to school and work, and to hopefully be in a nicer neighborhood. Our current one has recently become a frequent of partying and police visits....not somewhere I want any future children to be raised. Our new neighborhood is all little houses built circa 1930 and filled with the sounds of children. Yes, our new place is across the street from an elementary school. How I can't wait to deal with all that entails...backed up streets, parents waiting in long car lines to drop off/pick up their kids, balls being kicked into my yard, the joyous sound of recess...you know, all the things that were normal when you were a kid.

This year, in all of it's, 1/4 of the way done, glory, has been so crazy. In January we decided that this would be the year that we would get out of debt. I took on another job and Zack picked up more hours so we could pay off a credit card...one down, two to go. We also found out that we were going to be getting a new nephew on Zack's side. We helped my sister, Britt, and her husband, Adam, move and boy was that interesting. They have been married for almost 4 years so they have lots of stuff! Luckily lots of it fit into the storage space they rented and there were only few breakdowns. We found out that some dear friends got engaged. Congratulations Kirsti and Shaun! Finally, we found out that Zack was accepted into the study abroad program in France! So exciting!

In February, one of Zack's groomsmen, mission companion, roommate and close friend of us both, got engaged to his sweetheart. Scott and Katie are made for each other. We started thinking of moving when we found out that our rent was being increased by almost $100! A little too much for us. Also, on a sad note, we were informed that Zack was the only one the school was going to support in France. Yep, because I'm not a student I don't get to go to France for a month. Tear* I could go but for me the cost would be over 5 figures between tickets, insurance, boarding and food for a month. I was pretty upset when I heard the news but Zack couldn't get out of it. He is still going even though I can't (I am currently ok with this) and is leaving the end of May and will get back the end of June.

As of this month, March has been interesting. We found a place to live, filed taxes, and worked our bums off. I was offered a pretty good job as the residential CNA for Cache Valley working with Caregivers Support Network and I am currently awaiting the state funding to come in so I can start work. I have loved working for Chrysalis but the CNA job will look amazing on my resume one day.

This year just keeps dragging on with more and more to do and more and more to accomplish. Our immediate plans are to get Zack safely to France and back, get a cat, pay off another credit card and buy a real table for our dining room. We also want to throw a baby in there somewhere, but that's just a dream for now. Ha ha, we have a long way to go.

Technical Difficulties

I have decided that blogging is not easy for everyone. I don't know how to change my settings so that the past few posts are visible. The old font color was set to white on a black background and now I have a white background...(yes, I can figure out how to change the background but not the font) which is causing me to have an aneurysm just trying to figure it out! I know how to change the color of the font while I'm in the composing stage...but what about previous posts? Also, my picture once fit the space at the top and now it appears to be too small and off to the left......HELP!!!! I'm so confused!

Another year older.

Here I am sitting at my computer instead of going to sleep. Why is always that the night before your birthday, whether you have plans or not, you can't sleep. Is it because of the three hour nap I took today? Probably, but due to it being my birthday in less than 30 mins, I am not about to blame myself. I guess I can say it is due to my very overactive imagination. I have been thinking all day about what tomorrow might hold for me. Is tomorrow the day when my life will finally fit into the plan I have had since I was 8 or is it one more day to notch up to mediocrity and disappointment? I know, I'm starting to sound like a poor pity me but let me finish.
When I was 8, I told my mom that I was going to be an actress on a big stage and then meet a handsome man from Ireland (no where near to Sanpete county) and who could woo me with his fluent french and other worldly languages. Who would take me to far away places and make my life interesting and anything but farm time fun.
Well, as my luck would have it I met such a man except for being from Ireland, he looks like a leprechaun. He speaks french but rarely uses it around me stating, "why should I speak in french around you? You don't understand me and I always have to repeat what I said in English." As for other worldly languages, he is fluent in nerd. Yep, he knows how to talk to computers and cheat his way through videogames. Oh, how I have been wooed over the last three years! We have been to far away places though, if you count Logan a far away place, where people are crazy and live in an eternal state of depression once winter hits. (Side note, it has been non-stop foggy here since October...yeck!) I have never felt so far away from home in my life which is sad, I'm only 3 hours away but when no one up here seems to be happy, it feels a whole universe away.
I also told my mother that I would have kids by the time I was 21. Well seeing as how when I'm done with this post I will have surpassed that time frame by 2 years, I guess that one was a long shot. Now I'm really not trying to sound sad and depressed, really I promised, I have had a great time being young and not having any responsibilities, I am now starting to feel the effects. I will say it, I am jealous of all my friends who are having children and building families. I am also very happy for them...no, my jealousy comes from somewhere deep inside, what I am sure is and can only be, my psyche. For the last few months I have been plagued by dreams of a little boy so real that I wake up expecting to see him in the kitchen eating breakfast and watching cartoons, only to find that my mind has tricked me again, thus leading me to tears of frustration and confusion.
A friend told me that I am just baby hungry and that I want a baby so badly that my mind has lost itself. If only that were all.
I know I'm baby hungry, you can ask my husband. I have been wanting a baby from day one but now it almost hurts and causes extreme pain when I wake up and these dreams are only that, dreams. This little boy haunts my dreams and my arms ache to hold him. I know his name, I can feel his little hand holding mine and I see Zack in his little face. I so want to meet him but nothing I do or try seems to be working at getting me any closer to him. It's so weird that someone who could very possibly be the figment of my need to be needed, have such a hold on my heart. So, I continue to pray and even through the hurt, continue to wish for a baby.
Happy Birthday me! May this year bring a dream come true!

Oh Christmas Time is Here!

So I absolutely love Christmas and all that it has to offer! The smells, the decorations and what I like to call "the magic" that just floats on the air. I have always felt like Christmas time was the
"most magical season of all" and there is always hope on Christmas. As for our first Christmas in Logan I wish that I could say that I had a whole new decoration scheme and that our tree was already up but, that would be lying. So, because Santa is watching, our house has a little to be desired. No tree, no lights...no anything....yet.

But, this year I plan on being the most Christmasy homemaker there can possibly be. I need to get ready and make sure this husband of mine knows that I'm ready to be a mom. Yes, that is my Christmas wish. I want a family of our own. I want to be knee deep in baby toys and I want to hear crying in the middle of the night. I want to change diapers (on someone who is younger than 18) and I want to pick out baby clothes and hang them in a baby room. I want to snuggle with a newborn and feel his/her baby soft skin.

Yeah, I might be crazy but when you are ready, you know it and I am so ready! So "Santa can you hear me?...Santa, that is all I want this year!"

Today's the day...

So today I officially start as manager...honestly I'm freaking out! I'm terrified that something will go wrong and that I won't know how to fix it. My new client has no information other that hear-say and so I get to just "jump in". So far I haven't slept and had two panic attacks...I really hate those two things about myself. I wish I could calm down but until at least two things go right, I probably won't. I kind of feel like Dorothy from "Wizzard of Oz" when she is told that she has to defeat the Wicked Witch of the West and she has that look on her face like she's going to die...yeah, that's how I feel. Like I'm going to die. Pray for me...please just pray.

Greetings from Logan!

So we are all moved in and settled in Logan. Whew! Life is going great and we are both loving our jobs. We work for a company called Chrysalis where we work for adults with disabilities. I work in the Day Program and Zack works for houses. It's been great and we are learning so much. We have many plans for the future but as for now we are just getting down to brass tacks...what do we need vs. what do we want. It hasn't been easy but it is an adventure in itself.
We miss our families and all our friends and wish that we could be there for all the fun times and special occasions. If we missed any of yours, we are sorry. Hopefully forgiveness is out there somewhere.

Musical homes.

I am so sick of moving! I have lived so many places and with so many different people in the last 5 years that I'm starting to have abandonment issues...with myself. Gah! For now I am going to be in Salt Lake while Zack will be living with my parents...kinda strange but I will go with it for now.

I don't like being away from Zack and I don't know if I can do this much longer. No Zack around is boring and, yes I will go there, depressing. Those who know me know that a sad Allie is not a fun Allie. Who wants that?

We have big dreams right now. We want to get to Logan so that Zack can finish school and so I can be a mom but the music won't stop and we keep jumping from home to home and job to job. Luckily for us, we were able to find a really nice apartment at a good price and in a good neighborhood...now all we need are some jobs and life just might be perfect. Well, almost anyway. For now we get to keep on playing this stupid game.

WHEN WILL THE MUSIC STOP!

As I am prone to do, I look through old pictures and stuff when I'm bored and recently I fell upon an old bunch of photos from our first summer of dating. We had so much fun and I can remember running through the sprinklers, dancing in the rain, playing tag and hide & seek, sharing a cheeseburger and most funny of all, watching Zack have his meditation circle amongst mt. dew. HAHA! He lights up my life and makes me smile all the time. Best of all is the laughing...he can make me laugh so hard that my abs hurt the next day and I have a hard time catching my breath.

I miss my Zachery. More than words can say.

Oh this man, how I love him.